Tomorrow I turn 25...
I don’t know why I’m making such a big deal of it. It’s after all just another number right? It’s probably because I will no longer be in my “early twenties”… 25 seems like a milestone and a huge one at that. Yet, I’m actually just a day older than I am today right? So why have I been a little more restless than normal during the last couple of weeks, I wonder? People have told me of a phenomenon called the “Quarter Life crisis” – a phase full of uncertainty where questions like “What am I doing with my life?” plague a person. For some, it remains a passing phase – something that soon gives away to other materialistic and mundane aspects of life like career, marriage and household affairs and ultimately ending precisely where it all started, with the same questions but a different name – the “Mid-life crisis”. The Circle of Life eh? For some lucky and brave heart others, this “quarter life crisis” results in a plunge into something different, the quest for “one’s true calling”, the first step off the beaten track.
I’ve had a good and comfortable life till now. No complaints, a few regrets – but the kind that will ebb away in a few years and bring a smile on my face when I think of them while sipping hot cocoa on a cold, rainy day by the fireplace. I’ve smiled, laughed, cried, loved, pursued ambitions, won, lost, talked… I’ve seen the magical power of a smile, experienced the beauty of love, tasted the joy of true friendship, felt the pain of losing a loved one, experienced the ecstasy of winning and the numbing silence of a loss… I’ve met some very interesting people and some not so nice ones – but those from whom I have learnt the importance of making the right choices, of separating the wheat from the chaff… I’ve learnt where to hold tight and where to move on. Interests have come and gone, like the coming and going of waves. Some have stuck on and turned, or are rapidly turning into passions – travel, music, Nature, books, photography. I have a long, ever-growing bucket list, and with it, the burning dream to tick off each and every item on it. I’ve learned to find joy in the simplest of things – the twinkling laugh of a child, the chirp of a bird, the crash of the waves, the dew on the leaves, the wind in my face, and to appreciate the beauty in everyday events – a surprise hug, the voice of a long lost friend on the other end of the line, a quick commiserative smile from a total stranger… I have been shaped slowly, but surely by experiences - both mine and those of others, have grown, and am in the process of discovering the mystery that I am – little by little, day by day. Yes, it has been a comfortable life but still, there is that slight unease, those minor palpitations… A quarter of a century has passed since I arrived on earth and I wonder if I have indeed arrived at all.
To an outsider, I probably come across as a person who has life all figured out, who has achieved almost all that she could have in 25 years of existence. However, those that know me well also know of the turbulence that lies under the cheerful exterior. They also know of the non-conformist, the rebel in me. I still have the same questions, the same confusion that I had a few years ago when I stepped out of comfort of my parents’ home and into the serene campus of Surathkal. The “Where?”, “Why?”, “How?” and “What?” still haunt me just the same. The only difference is that I am just somewhat surer, a tad more confident and have a lot more courage in my convictions than I did when I was 17. I also know that answers to these questions will surface in due course of time and that paths will open, sooner or later. Today, I look towards the next quarter of the century with hope, courage, joy and the anticipation of doing something more meaningful with the wonderful gift that is this life. Yes, 25 is just a number, something of little significance to someone who believes staunchly in “18 till I die!”
I sign off with my favourite Robert Frost lines, with some improvisation
“I shall be telling this with a smile,
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I –
I took the one less travelled by,
And that has made all the difference.”
A brave post! While many of us heralding 25 have this turbulence in us, few of us have the courage to admit it. Loved how you have encapsulated your life. It's most difficult to understand it until you write it down. I'm glad you did! I guess life always throws these questions at you and you are caught completely off balance when you think you have it all figured out.
ReplyDeleteThe beauty lies in the quest. I wish you all the best in attaining what will give you perfect satisfaction. Keep the spirit high and glowing as it is now :)
wonderful post. I didn't know you were such a good writer! Such clarity of thoughts and so wonderfully penned down.
ReplyDeleteLife's questions always remain, and that is one of its beauties - you'd be bored if there were no more questions, nothing gnawing at you, if your existence became merely that. (As an ex-engineer can't stop myself-'Questions can neither be created nor destroyed, they can only be modified from one form to another')
There's a great clarity that comes through here, that of a strong, young woman clear(er) in her head. My life has been more of the opposite - more questions, less clarity and, as you so aptly describe - less courage in my convictions. The questions have gotten bigger, the grey area growing to enshroud the black and white. Its wonderful though that you acknowledge these questions now, and look forward to facing them with hope & courage
I took the one less travelled by,
ReplyDeleteAnd that has made all the difference.
Those two lines haunt me. Literally haunt me. In a good way, definitely, but they haunt me.
The rest of my thoughts :) I think you already know.
Very nice post, Suru.
ReplyDeleteHere is wishing you a belated birthday and All the very best in life
-Samps