I wake up in cold sweat... yet again for the third time this week. I reach out to take a sip of water, but somehow water seems to have lost the ability to quench my thirst. My head is spinning and little balls of light seem to be popping all over in the otherwise pitch darkness of my room. I lie down back again and stare up at the ceiling... I can see her in my mind’s eye so clearly... spread all over the canvas that is the ceiling. I sigh... I miss her a lot. My heart pines for her company. A glimpse of her, just the sound of her voice... anything! I shake my head to clear my thoughts but I somehow just can’t get her out of my head. It’s as though she’s calling out to me, reminding me of the times we’ve spent together. I reach out for another sip of water though I know it’s going to be of no use. My throat is parched and I know exactly what is going to quench my thirst. Oh God. For another glimpse. A few moments with her sometime soon...
My first day on campus at NITK was when I saw her. My mother and I had arrived a day early and after having spent the entire morning setting up the room, we were left with nothing to do in the evening. We decided to take a walk and after crossing NH17, we continued along the sandy road, and that’s when I saw her. Aah.. I still remember that first sight as if it were yesterday. Pristine, sparkling, perfect. Decked in golden orange like a blushing bride, she was there – vast and infinite, stretching up to horizon – the Arabian Sea. I shook off my slippers and ran across the sand feeling like a bird. The very first day and I had found my favourite place on campus. Little did I realize that it was also the beginning of a wonderful lifetime friendship - absolutely pure and delightful.
The very next morning I was back for a glimpse of her again. The moment I stepped on the sand, a totally different feeling engulfed me. I felt liberated, light, like a bird being released from a cage after a long long time! I looked at the water – all green and gold. She looked so fresh, like she had dressed up to greet me. Now that I think of it, I guess she had... as was the case every morning after that. I smiled and walked towards the edge of the water and she withdrew. Like a little girl who responds to a stranger with a shy smile but withdraws immediately as he approaches her. I tried again and she withdrew again. I gave up. The tide was too low. I sat down on the wet sand and looked around me. Not a soul for at least a mile on either side. It was such a wonderful feeling. I felt at peace. I closed my eyes and the very next moment, I was surrounded by water. Before I could even realise what was happening I was totally wet and when I opened my tingling eyes and spat out the sand and salty water, she was running away again. Giggling like a little girl, a little girl who had accepted me as her friend. And so it began... a wonderful beginning to a wonderful friendship.
Every morning, within 15 minutes of getting up I had to be at the beach. I just HAD to see her everyday else I would be restless for the rest of the day. And every morning she greeted me like she did the very first day – like a little girl clapping her hands in glee when her father comes home after a long day at work, so eager to sit him down and show him all her drawings. And on all those happy mornings, she would either be dressed in green sparkling with the gold the rising sun showered on her or in a wonderful blue hue – the beauty of which can only be experienced, not described. On those happy mornings, she would laugh out loud several times, splashing on the rocks, playing “catch me if you can” with the scurrying crabs. And then we would talk. I told her everything about myself. I know it may sound funny, but I actually did. And when I did, she listened. She would stop her fun and frolic and listen. And she would tell me all about herself. Stories so vast and magnificent that they cannot be penned. Stories of dolphins frolicking in the sun, of shoals of fishes, corals and treasures buried deep inside her – secrets from the depth of the ocean. I was fascinated by each one of them. Sometimes when I visited her at night after dinner and lay down on the sand listening to the waves, we both would look up at the twinkling stars and she would tell me of stories from up above – of angels and elves, flowers, the sun and the moon. I felt like a little child at those times.
In the second year, when the jogging bug had bitten me, she had a ball. Every morning, between fits of laughter, she would watch my desperate attempts to run on the sand for more than half a minute. The moment I gave up and stopped, she would burst out laughing. At times, I would get irritated and chuck a stone at her but she would duck and start laughing again. Even louder than before and that would set me laughing. At other times, her laughter would spur me on to run some more and when I did, she would stop laughing and give me a proud smile.
Not always was she so bubbly and cheery as she was on most mornings. There were times when I understood that she was in a bad mood the moment I saw her. On all those days, she was dressed in gray. A cold steely gray. She would ignore me at times and I let her be. Sometimes, I would ignore her longer on purpose until she herself came to talk to me. And when I would leave after the talk, I always noticed that her mood was invariably lighter. She would seem so much more cheerful. I still remember a particularly gray morning she was in a terrible mood. The waves were crashing down on the rocks with the intensity of a sharp sword. Strong enough to break them down. She seemed like a child throwing a terrible tantrum when she did not get what she wanted. She was furious that day and managed to make me feel pretty gray too. When I visited her again that evening to check out how she was doing, she was back to normal and looked particularly beautiful. Decked in pure gold, she rushed out to greet me as if to apologize for her behaviour that morning.
I always marvelled at her ability to be so cheerful and childish at times, at other times so grown up. She always seemed like different people to me – a little girl with her toys, laughing and playing with her best friend, a younger sister – a friend and confidant, an older sister – a patient listener who always gave great advice, a mother who always understood my moods and somehow always managed to get the smile back on my face...
Though I felt she was like a little girl most of the time, she would sometimes exhibit the wisdom of Queen Sheba. When I became particularly interested in Philosophy in my third year at college, she gave me answers to so many of my dilemmas and would pose so many more. On mornings when I wasn’t feeling so chatty she displayed the tenderness of a grandmother. I would just lie down on the sand and she lapped against my feet quietly – just to let me know that she was there if I felt like talking. At times when I was feeling down, she understood immediately and would sing for me - a song more enchanting than a pied piper’s song, a voice more beautiful than that of a nightingale and before I knew it, I would be smiling again. She never failed to cheer me up. Not even once. Her ability to switch roles totally amazed me. She would spend the entire morning listening to me and advising me when I felt down, but within minutes after she felt I was feeling ok, she would turn all childlike again, splashing me with water and running away laughing. Truly marvellous.
Well, Time and Tide wait for none they say. Tide I say definitely waited for me, like she did every morning to greet me with all the innocence of a child. Time unfortunately wasn’t so considerate and there I was with just two months left in college. They were a blur. Goodbyes to good friends, normal friends, “hi – bye” friends... the list was endless. A week before I left, I was with her in the evening. She seemed to be feeling down. I felt pretty gray too. NITK had been a part of my life for four years – the best years of my life till now and it wasn’t easy to say goodbye. I hadn’t shed a single tear till then though my friends had been crying buckets for weeks. I felt sad yes, but I hadn’t cried. I just sat there gazing at her. And then before I even realized, the tears were flowing. I looked at her. It felt like she was crying too. Weeping... My heart still aches thinking of those first tears. After that, the tears never stopped. And I always cried when I was with her. She was so much a part of me now that leaving her behind would be like leaving a part of me forever. She had helped me grow stronger, helped me build my confidence and character, had taught me the power of thought, had made me ponder over life’s eternal questions, taught me the joy of wonder, of beauty that is so abundant in nature, of joy that life is filled with but is somehow overlooked by everyone, given me answers when I wanted them, nurtured and cared for me whenever I needed someone to look after me... She taught me to appreciate little things in life, reach out to people and make them feel better, the way she did to me. She had been my mentor, a caring teacher and I had never realized that till then. She had been with me through ups and downs, highs and lows... she had always been there.
On my last day, I sat down with her again. She looked like a bride once again. Someone who was wedded and was leaving her mother’s place to go to her husband’s. Exceptionally beautiful and very sad. A bride who knew the future held beautiful promises but still did not want to leave her mother behind. The only difference was that it was I who was leaving. I felt terrible, crushed. I didn’t want to go. I walked down to the edge of the water. The tears on my cheeks were glistening in the moonlight and the salty water running down my cheeks splashed into the salty water beneath. We had connected again, albeit in tears. I bent down and touched the water, told her I would miss her and reassured her I would be back again. She returned a smile – a sad one. I knew how much she would miss me and I knew how much I would miss her. I turned around and walked across the sand. Before I left the beach, I glanced back at her again. She seemed to be pointing upwards. I looked up and saw the most spectacular thing I’ve seen in all my life. The stars seemed to be spelling out “I will miss you” very clearly. I rubbed my eyes and looked once again but everything seemed normal. The great Orion with his broad belt stared down at me. I didn’t know what to make of it. I turned to her to see a broad smile and a quick wink and I knew that what I saw was true. She would miss me... a lot... and I would miss her too.
10 months it has been since I saw her. 10 whole months. I’ve come to a place where probably many would die to belong to, but somehow, everything’s not complete. I miss my dearest friend. Her gushing giggles, her loud laughs, her quiet cackle, her calm reassurance, her warmth, her love... I really miss her. I promise myself, I’ll be seeing her soon. Very soon. And I’m waiting for the first glimpse once again, when I can smell the salt in the air and feel the sand in my hair, when I can see her beautiful golden self, feel the heat of the sand, smell the fragrance of the ocean, the gaze of her blue eyes, the sound of her voice, the warmth of her embrace... I’m longing for the moment I would be see my little girl running towards me with all her drawings of the day, eager to show me everything. Dearest friend, I’m longing for the day I’ll be with you again... the day when I can feel like a child once again. I promise you... I’ll be there soon! I will!
Happier times ... the beach from atop the lighthouse... NITK beach - the best in the world!
